Give Them Enough Rope

We acquired a puppy this summer after much pleading to, and prodding of, my husband.

I have always loved collies -- big and fluffy and, well, a real dog. But I was adamant that this eventual 80-pound dog would behave and not endanger any lives or worldly possessions.

We hired a bona fide dog trainer and he is worth every penny.

With the first lesson finished, I leapt into the ordeal with both feet.  Heal. Sit. Down. No! All followed by appropriate praise and tasty treats. 

Our trainer went on vacation and yet I kept up the pace.  When he returned, I was eager to show him our puppy’s progress.  The entire family went to the driveway and I went over all that we had continued while our “dog whisperer” was away.

Feeling rather zealous, I said, “Watch this!”

I took our dog off the leash, turned and commanded, “Sit.”

The dog complied.

I turned and walked towards the end of the driveway.  At that same moment, unbeknownst to me, another dog and family was headed past our driveway.  My dog immediately took in the scene and not only rose from her sitting position, but ran past me - sans leash - and headed straight for the family with their dog.

 “Stop,” I yelled.

Yep, you guessed it. Our dog did not hesitate, instead running at full speed towards the action in the street.

The trainer joined in and took control of our dog.  I was red faced.

“Too much too soon,” the trainer said.

He continued and walked to his van, retrieving a 30-foot leash.  He attached it to our dog and said, “You must let out the leash and retain control until you are certain the dog can handle the freedom and still know when to comply.”

Our family took a walk with the dog through the rest of the neighborhood with the 30-foot leash trailing behind us, and the dog at our side.  Whenever the dog got slightly further down the road than the rest of the family, our trainer said, “check her.”

First we said “no” in a stern voice.  If she did not comply, we picked up the leash and coupled the vocal “no” with a vigorous tug.  Immediately she came into obedience. 

Processing this session a few hours later, I could not help but draw my children’s training into consideration.

 “Too much, too soon” rang in my ears.

I thought of all of the kids I knew who this applied to, who are “taken off the leash” too soon.  We give them the responsibility of coming home to an empty home and starting their homework by themselves. We don’t afford them the “mistake zone” that a 30-foot leash affords.

I was impressed by our dog’s progress and wanted to show our trainer what had been accomplished.  But the dog was still new to this situation so I had thrown her into a situation that she had too little practice with and was, consequently, not prepared to handle.

The analogies could extend forever, but our trainer was astute in so many other ways.

He said that when he takes his kids to the mall, he tells them one thing. Quite simply, “if you can’t visibly see me, you are wrong.”

I like this guy.  Being a parent is tough, but the onus can’t always be on just the parent.  We need a partnership with our kids and they need enough rope to prove their ability to comply and weigh the consequences.