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Schools

College 101: What Happens After Move-In Day?

After 18 years together, many college freshman and their parents are adjusting to their new lives without each other.

This is the third and last of a Patch series of articles on surviving freshman year in college in 2011.

Whether you had to drive through several states to get your child to college or you traveled an hour or less, most parents feel mixed emotions as they drop their children off to college for the first time. As I experienced this just a few weeks ago after dropping my freshman daughter off at Temple University, I thought, "My daughter is on her own now—I'm so excited for her," and in the next instant I thought, "She's on her own now—scary!" It's not uncommon for both parents and students to feel both joy and fear all at the same time. This is a major transition time for everyone.

Sue Busch is the mother of two daughters who graduated from Pennsbury High School. Hayley who graduated in June, is a student at Drexel University and Erin, who graduated two years ago, is a junior at Temple University.

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"When my oldest went to college two years ago, I was nervous and excited for her," said Busch. "Nervous because she was going to an urban school in a not-so-great part of town, and excited because I was happy that she could feel the exhilaration of stepping onto campus as a freshman, just as I had many years ago."

Many changes take place in your teenager during the year. "There is a great deal of maturing that occurs during those first few months that I've noticed," said Busch. "The college freshman finally realizes that Mom and Dad will not be there to handle the next crisis. After handling a few of these challenges on their own—like rescheduling classes or a roommate issue—freshmen gain confidence and realize that college is not only manageable, but liberating."

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How to combat the stresses of freshman year? Erin Busch enjoyed spending time at the gym as a freshman. "I took advantage of the free machines and free classes. For me, it was a welcome break. Afterwards, I was able to concentrate on homework."

Many students find college coursework very different from that of high school. "Try not to stress out about your studies," said Erin. "Go to your professors for help first, if you're having trouble in a class. They will recognize that you're trying your best and will give you advice on strategies for understanding the material."

While today's communication technology makes our lives easier, it also adds stress. "Recent literature has indicated that students' constant connection to and communication with others through technology has increased stress levels," said Sally Bonefas, Staff Psychologist at Drexel University. "While students and parents can maintain closer ties, it is questionable whether that interferes with independent growth." Bonefas recommends the College Parents website (http://www.collegeparents.org/college-parent-central) which is full of helpful information on various phases of college life.

"My daughter and I communicate by Skype and email around twice a week," said Busch. "This seems to work for us. I generally let Erin take the initiative when it comes to communication."

Organization is the key to a successful freshman year. "Making a daily to do list got me through freshman year," said Erin. "If I hadn't written everything down, I would have forgotten something important. It takes a little while to get used to the college workload."

Today's students can choose from a variety of clubs to join. However, those who are hesitant about joining may want to wait until they complete the first semester successfully. Since most students aren't time management experts freshman year, they should make sure they don't take on more than they can handle. "I wanted to make sure I could handle my studies and social life, so I didn't join any clubs the first year," said Erin. "But I got a 4.0 freshman year, so I joined the music sorority sophomore year, and this year I'll be taking an officer position."

Hayley Busch said in August that she is looking forward to living in Philadelphia while attending Drexel this fall. "Now that my sister is back at Temple, it's hit me that I'm really moving into the freshman dorms soon. Talking to my sister about college life has really helped a lot in knowing what to expect freshman year."

Says mother, Sue: "All we can do is give them some advice about maintaining their grades while balancing a social life, and encourage them to explore subjects and activities that interest them. Then give them a hug and say, 'Goodbye!'"

Great advice! Now I'm going to sit down, put my feet up and read Coburn & Treeger's, "Letting Go: A Parents' Guide to Understanding the College Years."

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